After two weeks of struggling to make fun of politics in the Joe Biden era, Saturday Night Live finally had something to work with this weekend: the second impeachment trial and inevitable acquittal of Donald Trump.
The scene opened on Saturday with “human White Claw” Tucker Carlson (played by Alex Moffat) hosting Kate McKinnon’s Lindsey Graham and Aidy Bryant’s Ted Cruz on his Fox News show.
“There’s a lot to cover tonight including the impeachment,” Carlson said at the top of the cold open sketch. “So in place of my usual monologue, here’s a loose collection of scaremongering non sequiturs. Is AOC hiding in your house right now? I wouldn’t put it past her. Pronouns for dogs? Come on, everybody knows they’re boys. Pixar: Is it making our kids depressed or gay? Pick one!”
When Graham joined the show, he said, “Thank you, Tucker, it’s a great day for 30 percent of America,” before explaining, “We all agree the attack on the Capitol was a horrible thing. But just because the rioters were yelling ‘fight for Trump’ doesn’t mean they meant Donald Trump. Could have been some real Tiffany heads. Maybe some Eric stans? I don’t know!”
“But regardless, the trial is over and now we can move past this and focus on the serious issues,” he continued. “That’s locking up Hillary and freeing beautiful Britney Spears.”
“That’s a great point, Lindsey,” Carlson replied. “It really makes me contort my face like I’m thinking.”
Next, Cruz joined them as the words “Trump Said ‘Wife Ugly’” appeared on the screen below him. “Like any impartial juror, we took it upon ourselves to meet with the defense lawyers to give them some very simple legal advice: Stop and don’t.”
Then, after a handful of jokes at the expense of Trump’s defense lawyers, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Beck Bennett) appeared to deliver a reprise of his sudden rebuke of the former president despite voting to acquit him.
“Everyone knows you cannot impeach a former president,” McConnell said. “That’s why we should have impeached him before, back when I said we couldn’t.”
And finally, asked what he really thinks of Trump, he added, “I think he’s guilty as hell. And the worst person I ever met. And I hope every city, county, and state locks his ass up. Oh God, that felt good! I’ve been holding that inside my neck for four years!”
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